Sweet Nothings

We didn’t actually do a lot in Phuket, other than get pathetically sunburnt in typical Englander-abroad style while lounging around beach/poolside at a hotel that in truth was far too swank for the likes of me. But here are a few pictures for you to cast envious glances at, and some general observations on our time on the island. Apologies in advance for banging on about how nice our hotel package was, but it really makes a difference to be welcomed at the airport by a driver waving a card with your name on it. The roads in Phuket aren’t quite as chaotic as Bangkok’s, but lane changing still triggered involuntary buttock-clenching and the number of helmetless youngsters on motorbikes was worryingly high. Once we got to our base in Kata, the roads became hilly, twisty and pavementless but still the bikes kept coming, many ridden by white folks. I could not think of anything less fun than hiring an exposed vehicle to zoom around foreign roads governed by a rudimentary highway...

Don’t start. Yes, Bangkok has a rude name and lots of unsavoury associations - ping pong shows, happy finishes, etc etc. But take your minds out of the gutter now, because as a sophisticated traveller I am above such lowbrow things. Pah - you people sicken me. Cultured though I am, this was actually the first time I’d been to Asia and therefore concepts like 30+ degree heat and saturation-level humidity were rather novel. I’d love to say that I got used to this immediately but that would be a massive lie, and instead the scorching blast every time I stepped out from the shade or onto the balcony of our lovely air-conned room always caught me by surprise. The other thing is, well… anyone who even slightly knows me will see through the above ‘citizen of the world’-style boasting as overcompensation for my safety-first, creature of habit personality. Making my way around a chaotic metropolis on the other side of the world without any language skills to fall back on was always goi...