Fire in the disco! Fire in the... kebab shop
My alarm went off at 5am this morning. Hmm, I thought, still in a semi-comatose state, it shouldn’t be going off this early. And it sounds far louder and higher-pitched than usual... Hang on, cried the more alert part of my brain, that’s the smoke alarm! Oh god, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that I could have accidentally left the oven on low, and it could have been slowly radiating away all night, and that alarm is annoyingly sensitive... Let’s go and have a look... Hmm, the hallway is filling up with smoke. Shit, this is serious! What have I done? Never mind that, get that dressing gown and slippers combo on and get the fuck out of here! Go go go... don’t forget your keys you berk! Ok now move it, out! I’m outside, so are the couple from the upstairs flat. The smoke’s coming from the shop, he says. Phew, it’s not my fault, thank fuck for that. Oh no, what if all my stuff is burning to a crisp?? He’s calling 999, and the fire station is just down the road, they’ll surely b...