Humbug

Although I proverbially lost my religion some years ago, I've always missed the churchgoing, carol-singing, communal aspects of Christmas. This year I made do with attending Nine Lessons and Carols for Godless People, a kind of secular version of the above. Conceived by comic Robin Ince as an alternative Royal Institution Christmas Lectures, they originally booked one night at the smallish Bloomsbury Theatre. It sold out twice over, so they added another show at the 4,000 capacity Hammersmith Apollo tonight - meanwhile, as Ince ruefully admitted, the event had metamorphosed into something more akin to the Royal Variety Show.

The evening consisted of the amiable Ince introducing far more than nine acts, a vastly diverse mix of comedians (Mark Thomas, Josie Long, Chris Addison, and most notably Ricky Gervais), musicians such as Jarvis Cocker and Malcolm Middleton, plus Richard Dawkins, Simon Singh and Ben Goldacre to add some gravitas to the proceedings.

The secular, pro-science theme was somewhat loosely adhered to at times. Gervais came onstage admitting he was trying out new material for his upcoming shows, a bit of it having a Christmas theme and all of it being characteristically near-the-knuckle. I'm still not sure whether Gervais's stand-up is genuinely funny or whether audiences are just shocked into a reaction of laughter, but he certainly gets a reaction. Stewart Lee was probably the funniest turn, consolidating his reputation as one of the best, most original stand-ups in the business, although self-confessed ultra-geek Ince was himself very good.

The musical stuff meanwhile was a bit more hit and miss, most of the names drawing a blank when introduced. There was a very wry song involving a young couple doomed to be kept apart over religious differences, performed by Isy Suttie of Peep Show fame and a guy who's name I've sadly forgotten. There was also an incredibly tasteless Brian Wilson caricature who drew the guiltiest arfs of the evening.

Dara O'Briain came on second-to-last as a sort of palate cleanser, raging against some of the evils which had been alluded to less explicitly earlier on, proclaiming that all priests, psychics, nutritionists and alternative therapists should be tied up in a sack and hit with sticks. It was left to Tim Minchin to sum things up with a 9-minute beat poem about meeting and confronting a hippy, new-age chick who believes that like, science can't be proved and doesn't really explain anything, man. Minchin is a foppish, long-haired musical comedian who I thought I'd absolutely hate, but this really was a superb end to an overlong but well-intentioned and ultimately satisfying show.

One final point - to my delight, Luke Haines appeared! He did a somewhat ropey version of Bad Reputation (chorus: "Gary Glitter, he's a bad bad man/ruining the reputation of the Glitter Band") with bizarre spoken-word interludes. He's done it before - in a small-scale gig full of hardcore fans. This time, giggles were not forthcoming. From my vantage point high in the circle, it appeared that someone heckled at the end, and Haines was exchanging words with them as he left the stage. Put simply, he went down like a lead balloon and his applause was at least half as loud as the next quietest applause of the night.

I'm sure he wouldn't have had it any other way.

Merry Christmas.