Sweet Nothings

It's no good. I saw 2001 for the first time a couple of weeks ago as part of the BFI's Kubrick season and at the end I couldn't help thinking it was basically a load of pretentious bollocks, not to mention stultifyingly dull. I put off blogging about it straightaway because the film is regarded as a masterpiece and I thought it may need time for its merits to sink in. The end was even met with a round of applause at the BFI screening, and not in a "thank Christ that was over" fashion. But sadly, my opinion of Kubrick's sci-fi opus hasn't really changed. If you've not seen it, imagine several very long sequences of monkeys jumping about, ships docking and weird psychedelic hyperspace-type dimensions with intermittent appearances by a big black monolith, some of which are soundtracked by famous classical pieces, and you've got a fair idea of what it's like. There are some characters and dialogue, but you get the feeling Kubrick could happily hav

Stewart Lee gets a certain amount of preferential treatment in some quarters, and I can see why - he’s probably the closest thing we have these days to an “alternative” comedian in the old-fashioned sense of the word, and a ferociously intelligent performer. Unfortunately this makes him as infuriating as he is interesting. While positioning himself as a cut above your average comic (he’s spoken out quite strongly against brainless Jongleurs hen/stag-night type stand-up), Lee is as venomous in the abuse he metes out at his chosen targets as anyone else, however much this vitriol is adorned with clever wordplay and delivered in a deadpan, offbeat style. In the first show of his new Comedy Vehicle, Lee had a go at Chris Moyles. Now I’ve always found Moyles to be amusing, but at the same time he clearly is a boorish egotist. That second book of his which Lee picked apart does sound horrendous, and of course just because you admit something is a cheap, lazy cash-in doesn’t in any way excuse

At work, they have TVs showing BBC News 24 (or whatever it's now called) in reception. As I got in this morning, the "Breaking News" ticker at the bottom of the screen displayed: PRESIDENT BUSH HAS BEEN JAILED FOR THREE YEARS Like, OMG!!! Of course, "Breaking News" in this day and age can mean anything from nuclear holocaust to Jade feeling a bit poorlier today. The full ticker message actually read: THE IRAQI JOURNALIST WHO THREW HIS SHOE AT PRESIDENT BUSH HAS BEEN JAILED FOR THREE YEARS Awwww :-(

My alarm went off at 5am this morning. Hmm, I thought, still in a semi-comatose state, it shouldn’t be going off this early. And it sounds far louder and higher-pitched than usual... Hang on, cried the more alert part of my brain, that’s the smoke alarm! Oh god, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that I could have accidentally left the oven on low, and it could have been slowly radiating away all night, and that alarm is annoyingly sensitive... Let’s go and have a look... Hmm, the hallway is filling up with smoke. Shit, this is serious! What have I done? Never mind that, get that dressing gown and slippers combo on and get the fuck out of here! Go go go... don’t forget your keys you berk! Ok now move it, out! I’m outside, so are the couple from the upstairs flat. The smoke’s coming from the shop, he says. Phew, it’s not my fault, thank fuck for that. Oh no, what if all my stuff is burning to a crisp?? He’s calling 999, and the fire station is just down the road, they’ll surely b