Fire in the disco! Fire in the... kebab shop
My alarm went off at 5am this morning. Hmm, I thought, still in a semi-comatose state, it shouldn’t be going off this early. And it sounds far louder and higher-pitched than usual... Hang on, cried the more alert part of my brain, that’s the smoke alarm! Oh god, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that I could have accidentally left the oven on low, and it could have been slowly radiating away all night, and that alarm is annoyingly sensitive...
Let’s go and have a look... Hmm, the hallway is filling up with smoke. Shit, this is serious! What have I done? Never mind that, get that dressing gown and slippers combo on and get the fuck out of here! Go go go... don’t forget your keys you berk! Ok now move it, out!
I’m outside, so are the couple from the upstairs flat. The smoke’s coming from the shop, he says. Phew, it’s not my fault, thank fuck for that. Oh no, what if all my stuff is burning to a crisp?? He’s calling 999, and the fire station is just down the road, they’ll surely be here straightaway... Jesus I’m standing outside in my dressing gown at 5am, it’s freezing! I know I could use a bit more drama in my life but I was hoping for something a bit more fun! Please don’t let my flat burn down...
The firemen came, and the police, and after a good hour and a half we were allowed back in. The smoke had cleared, but most of my flat is now indelibly stained with soot. On the plus side, I’m moving out soon, and any doubts I was having about whether I made the right decision in not renewing my contract have gone up in smoke, as it were. And I was going to have to get the place cleaned anyway. Small mercies, Ben. Small mercies.
It turns out that someone was trying to rob the kebab shop. They couldn't get through the steel door at the back, but they must have got into the little storeroom/shed place because they then used a blowtorch to try and melt their way in. Sadly they only succeeded in setting fire to the place and cutting through a water pipe, though at least the water meant there wasn't much in the way of flames. There was lots of lots of smoke though, more than I’d ever seen, most of it in my flat. What a bunch of dickheads.
Writing this post has been somewhat cathartic, oh and there is an actual moral to the story - for goodness sake, make sure you have a working smoke alarm. I may now smell like a bonfire, but at least I’m here to moan about it. There you go, a public service annoucement. Who’d have thought it?
Let’s go and have a look... Hmm, the hallway is filling up with smoke. Shit, this is serious! What have I done? Never mind that, get that dressing gown and slippers combo on and get the fuck out of here! Go go go... don’t forget your keys you berk! Ok now move it, out!
I’m outside, so are the couple from the upstairs flat. The smoke’s coming from the shop, he says. Phew, it’s not my fault, thank fuck for that. Oh no, what if all my stuff is burning to a crisp?? He’s calling 999, and the fire station is just down the road, they’ll surely be here straightaway... Jesus I’m standing outside in my dressing gown at 5am, it’s freezing! I know I could use a bit more drama in my life but I was hoping for something a bit more fun! Please don’t let my flat burn down...
The firemen came, and the police, and after a good hour and a half we were allowed back in. The smoke had cleared, but most of my flat is now indelibly stained with soot. On the plus side, I’m moving out soon, and any doubts I was having about whether I made the right decision in not renewing my contract have gone up in smoke, as it were. And I was going to have to get the place cleaned anyway. Small mercies, Ben. Small mercies.
It turns out that someone was trying to rob the kebab shop. They couldn't get through the steel door at the back, but they must have got into the little storeroom/shed place because they then used a blowtorch to try and melt their way in. Sadly they only succeeded in setting fire to the place and cutting through a water pipe, though at least the water meant there wasn't much in the way of flames. There was lots of lots of smoke though, more than I’d ever seen, most of it in my flat. What a bunch of dickheads.
Writing this post has been somewhat cathartic, oh and there is an actual moral to the story - for goodness sake, make sure you have a working smoke alarm. I may now smell like a bonfire, but at least I’m here to moan about it. There you go, a public service annoucement. Who’d have thought it?
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