Howzit

Right, so my World Cup experience so far is as follows:

Saturday June 12th

Arrived in Johannesburg airport just before 5am after almost a whole day in the air. The plan was to have some breakfast, then get in the queue for the all-singing all-dancing FIFA TICKET MACHINES from which we could obtain all our tickets, including most importantly those for this evening's opening England match.

We queue for the machines. The queue is not moving. The machines appear to be broken. We are advised to go into Joburg or Rustenburg instead. We wait a while. Many people leave. The queue starts moving. Up ahead, people are getting actual World Cup tickets from the machines. We get to the front. So close. All the machines break down again. No tickets. We decide to go to Sandton (posh Joburg suburb) to get them instead.

Queue for ages to pick up hire car. Drive to Sandton. Queue for over two hours but finally pick up those precious tickets. Back to car, start drive to lodge we've booked near Rustenburg. Twenty or so minutes later, we run over a monkey (this is not a euphemism). We pull up at a garage, the front of the car is damaged. We phone the hire people and arrange to swap the car in Rustenburg. The clock ticks on.

Arrive to check in at the lodge. Swarms of drunken England fans are already there. Someone is dressed as St George killing a dragon, as you do. We will be in an 8-bed dorm, although it was meant to be only 6. Great! Drive into Rustenburg. After a lot of faffing, we get a new, un-monkey-damaged car. Drive to park and ride facility. Ah, everything is nice and organised. This is good, the last thing we need after all this time awake is hassle getting to and from the match.

Arrive at (crap and in-the-middle-of-nowhere) stadium in time for kickoff. Match passes by in something of a blur in my frazzled state. I somehow miss Gerrard's opener. Robert Green somehow misses a tame American shot. England miss several more good chances. 1-1, not great. Leave stadium to look for park and ride buses. What we find instead is more reminiscent of the beaches of Dunkirk before the evacuation. Roads jammed in all directions, not enough buses, absolute chaos. We finally get on a bus, get in the car, get to our lodge and get into bed sometime around 2am. Honestly, one of the most ridiculous days of my life.

Sunday June 13th

Thankfully we don't have to do anything stressful today. Oh wait, we actually have to drive several hundred miles across the country. Good job I'm such an experienced driver. Oh wait, I've not driven on a motorway before and never for longer than an hour or so. Etc.

Funnily enough, driving hundreds of miles takes AGES. I stall the car at least 5 times, but don't run over any monkeys. Arrive at guesthouse in gloomy waystation town at 8:30ish. Just about stay awake to watch the Germans giving the Australians a beating. (The match is a lose-lose scenario either way to be honest.) Then sleep a gooooooood sleep.

Monday June 14th

Get up early for ~more driving~! Hurray. Arrive at Cape Town guesthouse mid-afternoon. On the plus side, it has wireless internet, nice comfortable rooms and friendly landlady. On the downside, it's miles out of the city, has a fiendishly steep driveway, and the landlady seems intent on planning our whole 4-day stay for us. We may not end up making the England-Algeria game on Friday if she has a better idea...

We go to watch Paraguay-Italy, getting the train into Cape Town. There is a 2km "fan walk" from the station to the stadium, including dancers, fire eaters and marching bands. This is more like it. It rains, but nobody seems to mind much. Inside the stadium (very big, very nice) we sit near the media section and see, at various points, Jurgen Klinsmann, Alan Shearer and SUPER MICK McCARTHY. A successful evening then. The game was alright as well.

Tuesday June 15th

Went to Bolders Beach today and saw some penguins, then on to Cape Point and Cape of Good Hope (which is NOT the southernmost point of Africa, fact fans. More on that later.) We saw some baboons, dassies (strange rodent things which apparently are related to elephants but we're not buying that) and an eland (antelope thing). It was all good.

Have to go now as Dave needs the laptop. Will write more about SA, the people, the WC and those bloody vuvuzelas anon.

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