Sweet Nothings

"Christopher!" shouts an American tourist to her husband from a  Looky Looky Man stand on the edge of St Peter's Square , "These ones have got the new Pope on 'em!" Yes, we had no inkling when booking this holiday in January that we would find ourselves in Rome when Papa Francesco received the ultimate promotion (apart from the one from here to the heavens, I suppose). And however fantastic an opportunity this was for us to soak up a bit of living history, I'd have much rather visited the Sistine Chapel, which let's be honest is everyone's Roman must-see. Instead, it's been closed since the beginning of the conclave and reopens tomorrow when I'm back at work. So yeah, great timing with that resignation, Joe - thanks ein Bunch. We didn't attempt to brave the rain or the huddled masses in the square on Wednesday night just on the off-chance that the Cardinals would make up their minds, but it was quite surreal to watch the white...

It's a sad fact that, after visiting Venice, any other city can appear somewhat humdrum at first. As soon as we came out of Florence's station we were confronted with roads! And traffic! And no canals to be seen! Many of Florence's streets approach Venetian levels of narrowness and yet still allow all manner of vehicular access. Any pavements that do appear when you get out of the very centre are often precisely wide enough for one and a half persons to walk abreast, ie of little use for soppily hand-holding couples. The various vans, taxis and buses (including electric ones, excitingly) at least have the decency to take things slowly around the city streets. But the bikes... oh the bikes! Some cyclists will attempt to weave around the hordes of pedestrians with whom they are unwisely allowed to share the ways, whilst their more resolute bretheren keep to an arrow-straight course and rely on their bell to get tourists to move out of the way, with varying degrees of suc...

Visiting anywhere the second time around means you're free to notice the more intricate details you probably didn't have time to ponder on the previous occasion. For example: Gondoliers. If a lifetime's worth of TV and movies has taught me anything, it's that these men should conform to a very specific stereotype. I don't care if it's mid-March and a bit nippy - if I'm forking out extortionate amounts for you to paddle me around in your glorified canoe, I expect you to remove the puffa jacket - ensuring the stripey top is fully on display - don a stupid hat and sing me Just One Sodding Cornetto on repeat until I'm sufficiently romantically stimulated. Okay? Looky-Looky Men . They all probably come with tragic stories of life-and-death escape from war-torn hellholes and unfulfillable dreams of better lives, but never mind all that. We were far more interested in figuring out just how on earth they make a living. They all congregate in the same places ...