Veni(ce). Vedi. Went home

Visiting anywhere the second time around means you're free to notice the more intricate details you probably didn't have time to ponder on the previous occasion. For example:

  • Gondoliers. If a lifetime's worth of TV and movies has taught me anything, it's that these men should conform to a very specific stereotype. I don't care if it's mid-March and a bit nippy - if I'm forking out extortionate amounts for you to paddle me around in your glorified canoe, I expect you to remove the puffa jacket - ensuring the stripey top is fully on display - don a stupid hat and sing me Just One Sodding Cornetto on repeat until I'm sufficiently romantically stimulated. Okay?
  • Looky-Looky Men. They all probably come with tragic stories of life-and-death escape from war-torn hellholes and unfulfillable dreams of better lives, but never mind all that. We were far more interested in figuring out just how on earth they make a living. They all congregate in the same places (bridges, basically), hawking the same merchandise (squidgy reconstituting blob-things by day, flourescent flying tat-tubes by night) and using the same catchphrases (eg "Hey, pretty lady!", and of course "Looky looky!") to general tourist indifference. Don't the shady money-men in ultimate charge of these operations ever think about diversification, supply and demand or different points of sale?
  • Bridges. Just how many of the things are there? (A quick after-the-event Googling tells me it's 409, or possibly 431.) All of them are fine unless you have a large suitcase in your hand, at which point they turn into right annoying bastards.
  • Bags of penis-shaped pasta. Just... why? (In Florence - of which more later - such bags are labelled as "sexy pasta", a quick after-the-event Googling of which sent me here. To which all I can say is, if your batchelorette party involves staying home and cooking anything, you need to be having words with your maid of honour.)

Venice is still the big floaty museum as observed during my previous visit - similar to living museums from my childhood memories such as the Black Country Museum, only with more comprehensible inhabitants who don't all go home after closing time (although the high number of day trippers means that the population does drop significantly at night.). Even better, there's no entry charge, although you could argue that the high prices on the lagoon more than make up for that.

Other differences this time included the act of sauntering through the labyrinthine streets with no clear destination in mind not being quite so stressful when not doing so alone, and being able to eat and drink in a couple of decent, vaguely authentic bars and restaurants as opposed to McDonalds and Irish pubs. The B&B we stayed in was also very pleasant, and sure beat staying in a nondescript hotel on the mainland in industrial Mestre.

Plus it rained a bit on the first night, which meant that there was some flooding! I know, in a whole city built on water, who would credit it? Piazzo San Marco (St Mark's Square) was at least half puddle the next morning, and although it had all drained away after a couple of hours of sunshine it does beg the question as to what the hell would it look like after a proper storm. They erected wooden walkways the other day - perhaps they also provide snorkels as and when.

Ultimately, even on dry streets, it's impossible to walk around Venice at great length without ever losing your bearings. The maps will only show you the main routes and even those can take you down the narrowest, most claustrophobic of alleys. Street names are of limited help, because as the lady at the B&B pointed out, there are at least 7 different Calle del Fornos as it literally means Baker Street and every district had its own bakery.

But then, if you knew exactly where you were going then you'd miss all the random little squares and Olde Worlde crooked buildings. Just go and have a wander, and trust that the ubiquitous yellow signs will always guide you back to the Rialto, St Mark's Square or the station. More or less.

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